Category: Writers Block
I hold in my hands a very long sword. What you did to her I can't ignore.
The blade's long, sharp, ready to slice.
Slit your throat, cutt out your eyes.
You drugged her, raped her, you think it okay?
I think it not, and today you pay!
As I do the deeds, you scream and plead, "Please!"
But I laugh and spit in your face and say, "Feend!"
If you didn't do what you did, this would not have occured.
But you did so now you suffer and indure!
The blade cuts the flesh, draining blood, scraping bone.
Taste the blade and leave her alone!
You coward, you bastard, I'm loving watching you die! For what you did to her, as your blood flows towards the sky!
Look at me, you piece of filth, look in to my eyes. Do you see? Do you see why?
I do this because you took from her and me.
Don't you get it? Are you to blind to see?
The handle is in the shape of a dragon you see.
Its mouth open wide, its wings outstreched, guiding me.
Some may call me mad, but I think it could be right!
Especially after what you did that night!
Note:I did not do any of the things mentioned above, but would if I could get away with it. I'm releasing anger, and writing a beautiful piece of work!
Any thoughts?
You could write for a living I like this :) could see it being made into a movie too. GJ
I love this piece! You used quite a bit of imagery; your words were so vivid. I could see and feel the revenge.
You did a really nice job. Keep up the good work.
Some of the wording changed a little, recited in a different voice than jaws, I could see this having good potential. Sometimes, just reading it through, some of the wording is a bit iffy, but over all I like it.
Oh... wow... All righty then... It's... horrid...
Dude, that's pretty awsome. I could already come up with guitar rifs in my head for that. Keep it up.
more violence. hmm, isnt' there enough of this. why not listen to got yours, got mine by contravercy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wt6hNqzOviw
contravercy is a band set up by a london firefighter. v good.
Hey! Poetry is meant to express feelings, emotions, desires, trepidation, views, or describe scenes. Try actually breaking it down and learning and experiencing the meaning of each word, each line, and each stanza. It's easy to look at something and quickly form an opinion about it, but don't look at the title or the poem itself. Look at the meaning of it, the feeling and emotions behind it, the scene being described. And don't just look at the poem, feel it, hear it, and embrace it. Be in the poem; be a part of the poem; bathe in and experience the poem!
Agrees with Distortion. Poetry is about feeling. It's not an essay to be analyzed, it's a thing to invest emotion in. Don't mind, it's my writer side coming out. And agrees with Catwoman, I could see a cool story line coming out of it.
Thanks all. If you could, I'd like others opinions on it so tell some people about it. And I may write more to it, have to think about it.
Ah, but she was so hot! The punishment was almost worth it.
Kidding, dude. Nice work. I am sensing a bit of Between the Buried and Me influence here. Or maybe Pantera.
A little bit of both you could say. I was just going on what I was feeling. You know?
An excilent work. Dark. It strikes something in me. Common language paired with an old but relivent concept makes you unique. Keep writing.
I will. thanks!
incredible, definitely something I would write myself. I could also see that as an excellent metal song.
speaks my feelings exactly.
Not sure if beautiful is the right word, but it's expressive and ull of dark vengeful emotion that I can certainly relate to. There's been at least one, maybe more people I've heard of or known that I'd happily do that to if I could get away with it.
This is well-written, no spelling mistakes and it flows relatively well. I don't know if you were just angry or if this actually happened to some female you know, but if it did, I'd want to deal out punishment too.
Chastity